What Am I doing here?
by ShushI'mAReaderInBed
Summary: Short fanfic about how Dekka landed in Coates. Has not been beta-read! DekkaxOC, little bit. May continue...
1. Dekka

**What Am I Doing Here?**

**By ShushI'mAReaderInBed**

**A/N Hi guys! In bed (as per usual)! It's about 3 in the morning over here in England and I have to be very, very quiet. However, I'm desperate to get my new idea for my first ever fanfic up so I'm going to risk it! I'm not sure if I'm going to keep this as a one-shot or carry on so tell me what I should do. If you think it's terrible don't just say that - tell me how to improve! Anyway - I notice I haven't seen any fics about Dekka's life before the FAYZ and she's my all time favourite character so I'm doing one now. Don't read if you don't like girls kissing (only once). This is rated T because if I carry on to Coates there will definitely be some violence. Also I don't own a copy of any of the books as I borrowed them all off friends to read so don't blame me if I get this wrong! Enjoy! Oh, and finally, this is before Dekka has any feelings for Brianna.**

**Disclaimer: I originally wrote 'Hey there! I'm Michael Grant!' but my computer immediately crashed so I'll tell the truth. I'm not even half that awesome. **bursts into tears** (silently) **

**Dekka**

_'Hey! What's up?'_

_I desperately wanted to tell her to go away, but it was her room too. 'Nothing.'_

_'Yeah right.'_

_'Brianna!'_

_'What?'_

_'It's nothing…. Just life before Coates.'_

_'Oh.'_

_We sat in silence for a while, a silence which I would happily have kept up but-_

_'What did you do?'_

_'Told you. Private.'_

_'Please?'_

_'No.'_

_'Please?'_

_'No.'_

_'Pleeeeeeaaaaaaase?'_

_'No!'_

_'I can wait all day.'_

_The annoying thing was she could. 'Fine. But after this, we never speak of it again.'_

_'Wow. Was it that bad?'_

_'Final warning.'_

_'Oh. Right. Zip!'_

* * *

><p>I sighed and started the story - one I'd never told anyone before.<p>

'I was 11 and starting secondary school and everything was going fine - until this new girl came. Her name was Tia. She had this long strawberry blonde hair and grey eyes. Her face was quite pale and her eyes lit up and sparkled when she laughed. But she didn't laugh much and she seemed depressed most of the time. I wanted to ask her what was wrong but I couldn't. Tia was very honest and she was the most amazing artist. She could draw anything, but she loved cats in particular. We both loved to read and were both very fast, which kind of became a competition. Anyway, I liked her. A lot. I mean, I _liked _her. But at first I thought she was straight and I didn't say anything. But then one day we started passing notes in the class saying:

_Bored to death. T_

_I know! The limit of to how long anyone can listen to her is 3 seconds! D_

_Haha! T_

Unfortunately, our head chose this moment to walk in and look over our shoulders so we were landed in detention.'

* * *

><p><em>'I don't see how all this can land you here.'<em>

_'I haven't finished yet!'_

_'Oh.'_

_'Ready?'_

_'Yeah.'_

_'Where was I?'_

_'Detention.'_

* * *

><p>'Okay, so stuck in detention listening to another hour of Miss Harper's rambling, except this time about how this school was not a playground, how we had to use our brains etcetera, etcetera. Yawn. I was seriously considering jumping out the window - and I'm talking 3rd floor. How could I get that window open? Smash it? But I'd definitely have to die then because I can't pay for any damages. Anywa- 'Kids, be good I'm just going to get some more paper.' Oh yeah!<p>

'Freedom!' whooped a couple of kids, racing out the door. I was getting up to join them, when Tia pulled me down again.

"We need to talk."

"Uh - here? I mean, The Harpy is going to come back soon…."

"Yeah. Here. Now."

So I sat right back down. Tia passed me the scrap of paper that had been our destruction and I stared at it.

_Dekks, I have I friend who likes another girl but she kinda thinks they'll hate her if she tells her the girl will hate her forever._

"Say what?" '

* * *

><p><em>'I should explain here - the 'I have a friend…..' basically meant 'I have an embarrassing secret and I wanna know what to do….'<em>

_This time I was sure hoping that was what it meant. If it wasn't this would be wrong. She would hate me forever. Should I take a chance or not. She was my only friend but I wanted, no needed to tell her…'_

* * *

><p>' "That's weird. Me too." And I kissed her. She was surprised at first, I could tell. But she started to kiss me back. Her lips were like honey and we were properly kissing when Mrs Harper came back in. She called my parents - and that's how I'm here.'<p>

* * *

><p><em>Brianna looked shocked. 'They put you here for that? Ouch'<em>

_'Real sensitive (!)' I murmured, but she didn't catch it._

_'I need to go.'_

_'Okay.' I waited till she left and lay down and cried and cried and cried. I stay hard with others, but I'm just as soft as the rest of them and I can't always keep it up._

**So what do you think? Review, please and I will hand out a couple of amazing virtual chocolate brownies. If I really like it I will PM you the recipe! Anyway shall I continue or not. I will once I have 10 positive reviews…**

**PLEASE REVIEW!**

**Night night, people**

**xShushyx**


	2. Brianna

**What am I doing here?**

**Chapter 2**

**So - with loads less reviews than I wanted, I will continue. I know I'm horrible at updating but check the reviews and you will see why. I have an idea that I will have the story being told/written down and read/broadcast round the school by some evil bully ect. So all the kids will have their share ….. So, um… I own nothing - except the title! Hehehehehehehee! Gone belongs to Michael Grant as does Brianna and Coates. The only things I own are about 80 stuffed toys, 2 cats, a dog and 2 gerbils! Finally, I realise that the next bit is unlikely - but who cares, it was fun to write! I also noticed that Drake seems to really hate Dekka - he tries to kill her in every book - and I wondered why…..?**

**Brianna**

As I wandered along the corridor I was thinking about the story Dekka had told me. We all knew the next bit - massive school news at the time… I remembered the whole thing, clear as yesterday….

It was about 11 am. I was kicking a ball around with Taylor and chatting when Nurse Temple came up to us. 'Hey, Brianna! Would you mind coming over to the office for a sec?'

'What for?'

'New kid.'

'Okay, I'm on it!'

As I headed over to the office I wondered about this new kid. What would he/she be like? Sadistic or scared? Tough of softie? Geek or dumb?

'Hi! I'm Brianna!'

'Dekka Talent.'

Well, not too talkative, then!

'Goodbye.'

Dekka looked around, and I noticed she had two adults behind her - probably her parents, I thought.

'You can have some alone time if you like.' murmured Nurse Temple quietly

Dekka's mum looked like she was about to puke. 'No.'

Dekka stared. 'I don't get it. I was your favourite kid.'

'Yes, before I know about… Ugh.'

'What's you problem?'

'My problem is that my daughter does not know right from wrong.'

'I do. I just have different feelings to you!' Dekka was screaming now, not caring that everyone within a 20 meter radius was staring.

'You're acting ridiculously!'

'If people acted like this because we were black, what would you do?'

'That's a difference - we cant help it!'

'Neither can I!'

'You KISSED a GIRL! You saying you can't help that?'

Everybody was staring now.

'Um…..' I could see Nurse Temple was getting nervous.

'So, Dekka - right? Come on and I'll show you round.'

I lead her away from her parents slowly. She looked furious.

'Okay, so over here there's the-'

'Sorry, could we do this later? It's just…'

'Sure. I'll ask Nurse Temple to tell you where your dorm is.'

'Oh, of course,' said Nurse Temple.

'Actually, since we're refurbishing you might have It's just we need you to share for a week.. Or two. With a boy.'

Ouch. Ironic or what? 'Who?'

'Drake Merwin.'

'Nurse Temple, may I talk to you for a minute?'

'Sure.'

We walked into an empty classroom.

'Sorry, but what's going on?'

'I know, but it's not for too long.'

As she lead Dekka away, I wondered about what would happen next. Well, if any girl in the school was a match for that psychopath, it seemed to be this new kid. She looked pretty tough…..

**Okay, guys, that's all for now. Sorry it's so horribly short, ut I needed to fill in for the next bit. I love ya all! Couple of shoutouts - Big Thanks to emilyroroose for all the support - hope you enjoyed the brownies, and to my friend NightBurd. You're the best. So, there's a little button down there, anall you have to do is press it and write something nice and constructive! **

**xxShushyxx**


	3. Tia

**What am I Doing Here?**

**Chapter 3 - Outside Coates**

**By ShushImAReaderInBed**

**I'm such a horrible updater, but here is chapter 3. **cue sad music** I know I have been cruel to you, haven't updated for ages, but I'm sorry. I just hope you can forgive me…. (by the way, This is in the present tense, please tell me what you think?) I am also sorry for how terribly short this is, but I had to get something up, right?**

**R,R&R!**

**Disclaimer: Must I? Fine, I DO NOT OWN GONE! MICHEAL GRANT DOES! (However, I do own Tia and (finally!) a copy of Fear!)**

**Tia**

Ding-dong! Ding-dong!

Urgh. Stupid doorbell, I just got to sleep and now it's going, on and on and on and on.

'Hello?' Finally, someone answering it. Mum, I think, but it could be Auntie Mist, her twin. Oh well. Now I'm awake, I might as well go down and see what's going on, as well as who woke me up.

Slipping out of bed and putting my slippers on, I creep out of the door and down half a flight of stairs, so I can peek round the banister. Damn it, Mum's in the way. Move! MOVE! She does, eventually, and I see our guests. Them. Her parents, the Talents. Ugh…

'We would like to talk to your daughter,' Dekka's mum said, in clipped tones. I'd forgotten how sharp her voice was.

'Well, unfortunately, she's in bed, but you're welcome to come back tomorrow,' said Mum, politely, but the Talents weren't taking any notice.

'We need to see her!'

'It's very important!'

'Very serious!'

'Very urgent!'

'Well, it's also very late, and my daughter needs sleep.'

'We NEED to see her.'

And with that, I watch my girlfriend's parents charging past my astonished mother and up towards me. I turn and race to my room, dive through the door and lock it behind me, taking the key out the lock and hiding it under the gerbil cage. The handle rattles.

'Tia! Tia!'

'Girl!'

_Girl? What the hell are you going on about? You know my name! You- You- You! I'm too polite to speak my thoughts! Scratch that, to _think_ my thoughts!_

I scramble into bed and give a very realistic (okay, exaggerated) snore. I mumble something incoherent as they attempt to break the door down. They're actually doing a pretty good job when I slip out of bed, rumple my hair, slip on my _Hey! I was sleeping there! _face (perfected over many years of sleepovers), unlock the door and let them tumble in at my feet.

'We'd like to talk.'

'Oh.'

'About our daughter.'

'I guessed.'

'Well congratulations.'

'Thank you(!)'

'Basically, we forbid you to contact her, in any way, for any purpose.'

'Till?'

'We say so.'

'Not happening. Out.'

'How rude! Very well, we will inform the school to check her mail, tap her phone, hack her email. No contact, mind!'

I slam the door and race to my bed. Curling into a ball, I rock and sob and rage, frightening the gerbils beyond all measure. Thoughts racing through my brain. _A prison, it is, nothing we can do about it. Nothing. At. All. Maybe I should kill myself_.

**So there you go! Reviewers get gerbils, ignoring the fact that you may have a fear of rodents, however cute they are! Don't worry, we will explore the Dekka vs Drake that must currently be going on. All you Taylor fans, she will meet her soon, be patient, Chapter 5 at most. Love ya all!**


	4. Drake

**A/N. Hey guys! Sorry the update was so slow, but, you know, it always is. Anyway, I feel like Drake has something seriously against her, more than his average thing against the whole of woman kind. Anyway, I repeat the question, guys, did the style of present tense work in the last episode? I have recently been doing a lot more reading than writing and I realised that my chapters are quite short. I'm sorry, but I don't think I will be changing that any time soon….. =^_^= Pwease don't hurt me…. *Leaps behind couch* Anyways, I've wanted to write a songfic for a bit so I'm going to try to incorporate it in here. As always, tell me what you think!**

**I own nothing; Gone belongs to Michael Grant and Missing belongs to Evanescence.**

**Drake**

There's a reason I hate that girl. In fact, there's many reasons, one being that Penny can defeat her but not me and another that you can't deny that you need to watch out for her. Before the Gaiaphage became my master and I developed my immortality, that bitch was a real threat to me. But none of the reasons are the reasons that I will chase her the moment I get a chance and that I cannot stand to watch her happy - I can tell when she is and it's more often than you'd think, watching her face. No, I hate this girl because, over the course of one year, she found out everything about me and I found out everything about her. And when you know everything about that girl, it's ridiculously hard not to feel a slight twinge, that definitely isn't pity, but might be something close.

* * *

><p><strong>Flashback - Three months after previous chapter.<strong>

I was rooting around under Dekka's bed, looking for something to break, steal, use as blackmail devices or taunt with, when I came across a small wooden box, which looked old and promising. Slipping it out and locking the door to prevent any interruption from her, I opened it to find it crammed with letters and an - IPod? Hmm…. I popped the headphones over my ears and pressed play. I fished out the paper, more than I thought would fit in a box that size, and began to read.

_Please, please forgive me,_

_But I wont be home again._

Dear Dekks,

Tia here, my first letter to you! How is that place, I miss you so much! I was sketching the other day and you ended up on the paper. Actually, you always end up on the paper, but since this on wasn't complete crap I thought I'd send it to you. It's the day we first met, remember?…

_Maybe some day you'll look up,_

_And barely conscious , you'll say to no-one - _

_Isn't something missing?_

Dekks

Tia here again! Just to say I really loved that last letter, it was so sweet. But that place sound terrible! Why don't you run off, you did before! And that guy sounds evil - Drake. Even his name sounds evil. Eviiiil, eviiiiiiiiiiiil, I tell you! Just go - so will I - we'll meet out in the forest, leave. I have money…..

_You won't cry for my absence I know,_

_You forgot me long ago._

_Am I that unimportant….?_

_Am I so insignificant…?_

Hi Dekks,

What do mean you can't do it? That place must be a prison! I love you, seriously, I have to see you - when are you able to get out? Please write back immediately, tell me you're okay - you're always replying so slowly…

_Isn't something missing,_

_Isn't someone missing me?_

HeyHey Dekks,

You wanted to know what you family's doing. Um.. I want to break this gently to you, but they seem to have forgotten you. They never contact me, they avoid me in the street and I think they've written you out of their life. That sounds so brutal - I don't want to have to say it, but it's true. Don't be upset, please don't you don't need them. You can always come live with me and my family, I could make sure yours don't find out. Come on…..

_Even though I'm the sacrifice,_

_You wont try for me, not now,_

_Though I'd die to know you love me,_

_I'm all alone._

_Isn't someone missing me?_

Dekka,

Your parents said I can't contact you any more. Not by phone, email, letter (Which includes carrier pigeon) or anything else. I can't believe it. I miss you so much…..

_Please, please forgive me,_

_But I won't be home again._

_I know what you do to yourself,_

_I breathe deep and cry out,_

And at the end of each one -

I love you, I love you, I love you!

Tia x

"_Isn't something missing?_

_Isn't someone missing me?"_

* * *

><p><strong>End Flashback<strong>

Yes, it was hard not to feel something like pity for that girl. And pity wasn't exactly a good thing in his line of work. In fact, it was very bad.

**A/N**

**Love you guys! Quick shout out to NightBurd for all her help and encouragement! Also to Tinge for your constructive criticism and to **

**sexy-whip-hand-lover-x and emilyroroose for all their encouragement and compliments! I don't deserve any of you guys and please check out their profiles!**

**Shushy x**


	5. Dekka's Memories

**Meh... No-one tells me what they think! I asked about present tense - zilch. I asked about songfic - nada. Ah, well.I think this will be the last chapter... The story isn't going anywhere. I will do a bit more songfic... (please don't hate me...) I do love this band and I feel their songs fit the story. Please tell me what you think. I own nothing as always, and though I complain, my friends know I don't really mean it. I love you guys, reviewers! You kept me going this long. In this chapter, I thought I'd explore the idea of Dekka's other friends from home... **

**I own nothing. Gone belongs to Micheal Grant and My Immortal belongs to Evanescence. Neither do I own Kyoya or Hetalia members.**

_I'm so tired of being here,_

_Supressed by all my childish fears_

I lie awake, knowing there's only a few hours left. Knowing the bugs are coming. Knowing my death is imminent. And as I lie awake, I remember something I've not thought of in forever. Someone who was stored away in the 'Not now' file of my brain, to be adressed when I was free from the cement, when I got a decent meal, when Nerezza was sorted. When the plauge was gone. When we were free from the bugs. And now, well, now I'm close to death anyway, I have to consider it. Her. Tia.

_But if you have to leave, _

_I wish that you would just leave,_

_'Cause your presence still lingers here,_

_And__ it wont leave me alone._

What was she to me before the FAYZ came down? Hust before - when I hadn't seen her for honest with yourself Dekka. Like a dream. A memory, clear as day, yet somehow you haven't a clue what actually happenend in it. Well... Tia had gingery hair?... About shoulder length, no, that wasn't it... er... Pale skin, I think. My height. Or was she taller?... Um... Actually maybe shorter-

See? A memory, nothing more. And it was impossible, anyway. Remember the note?

* * *

><p><em>These wounds wont seem to heal,<em>

_This pain is just too real,_

_There's just so much that time cannot erase._

I remember standing dumbfounded as I read it. No more chatty, bubbly letters, condeming me for not writing sooner. No more fights, making ups, no more comfort sessions. No more strangeness, no more wacky ideas like _Maybe we're all really Sims_ That we can ponder and explore. No more of that glorious tornado of shining golden hair and contagious smiles.

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears_

_When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears,_

_And I held you hand through all of these years_

No-one to work as an anchor to my world. No-one to laugh, cry and rage with, over anime, parents and gel pens. no-one to listen to the stupid problems and silly ideas. No-one to heal the hole in my heart where a family used to be. No-one to love me and no-one for me to love... No-one at all.

_But you still have, all of me._

So I locked myself in the bathroom and sobbed and sobbed and raked my nails down my back where no-one could see. And then I cleaned myself on, put the calm, hard exterior back on and got on with my life. I let Tia fade and fade she did. I let her go and go she didn't. She stayed and waited with me, always waited, 'till she could comfort me again. And now, during my last night she could.

_You used to captivate me, by your resonating light,_

_Now I'm bound by the life you left behind._

* * *

><p><em>Your face it haunts my once pleasaunt dreams<em>

_Your voice, it chased away all the sanity in me._

And then I saw her, restored in all her ways. And I remembered the last time I'd seen her. It was a year after the letter. During the time, my hard exterior had been glued into place, and looking back, I realise I was depressed. That's what happens when you get a hole torn in the fabric of your world. You talk to them, make jokes with them, and them you are left with thin air, where love used to be. You refuse to believe it for a week or so and then you go. Just like that. Poof. Like the adults. Obviously, you're still there, working, chatting, even playing and laughing. But the real you only comes out when you are alone. Utterly alone.

_These wounds wont seem to heal. _

_This pain is just too real._

_There's just so much that time cannot erase._

And the real you is a wreck. Only comes when you are in a hollow bush at school, a library nook, a world of your own, down in Medmac Market, when the school thinks you are in bed. And, in stories, people go like this for about a month till they snap and shriek and sob and howl. In reality, no breakdown comes, not till years later when something else is just too much and pushes you over. Like discovering your powers, although I guess for most it's more likely to be switching school or a friend hanging out with a new bunch of people. So a year later I was still in depression state. I still got letters from other friends, like the twins Kitty and Alexia, wierd and proud of it, always good for a laugh and telepathic, or so it seemed. They wrote with their latest pranks and anecdotes from Fairing, my old school where, as it seemed (looking back at all these letters), I had more friends than I'd ever thought.

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of you tears,_

Writing whenever she could was my half-niece* Lizzie the tomboy, telling me things about the family, and the only decent one among them. Along with these three in the 'Regular writing group' was the quiet, stoic, unassuming Michelle, with her survival pack and love of knives, swords and the outdoors, as well as anything mystic.

_When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears._

There was also Rose, calm, short and steady, letters filled with constant advice, cheer and messages from sweet, giggly, fun Pearl. With them was Linda, strange and obsessed with anime. Her letters were always dotted with doodles - _Kyoya in 'Shadow King' mode! _or _Iggy and Al. I do not ship USUK! _And Rhona, my brave, bold and oh-so-slightly creepy P.E. buddy, who always put friends first, as did her sister Rhiannon who added her own messages, counting almost drowning together in Wales as a bonding experience, as did I.

_And I held your hand through all of these years,_

Older friends wrote often too - Taylor and Elena, my best friends from preschool, sent a letter every week. Less frequent were others like Tessa, writing after a book she had lent me before I left and never got back.** Belle, the girl from France and tomato-loving Lucy wrote too, with gossip and chat, and many more. However not a single letter contained any news of Tia.

_And you still have all of me..._

* * *

><p><em>I tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone,<em>

_But though you're still with me I've been alone all along._

So when I saw her on a trip to Cramp End with Coates, I thought I was hallucinating. We had just time to squeal and hug and exchange 'I love you...'s before we were pulled apart, and the march continued. But now, as I lie here, I realise that but all those wonderful people together, and I'm never really alone. I can always think of Linda, shrieking that 'NO WAY ON HELL DO I WANT A CUPCAKE!' and Eleni, Alexia and Kittything, tugging me this way and that in an attempt to make me lighten up. Or Rose, Michelle and Taylor, all great shoulders to sob on, radiating comfort. Or the Miller sisters, probably in Wales now, body boarding, if Rhiannon will go back in the water. And there's always Tess to simply talk to, or Belle and Lucy and Pearl just to mess around. Lizzie to be ridiculous and make me film her screaming about Toad and redecorate her room on whim. And there'll always be Tia for everything.

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears,_

_When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears,_

_And I held you hand through all of these years,_

And, maybe, just maybe... I can handle death... If I have their memories with me.

_But you still have all of me, me, me_

**So, that's it. I wanted to paint the picture of a happy girl, before all this. All these people, by the way are based off real people, including Tia. The descriptions are not enhanced, I really am the luckiest girl alive to have friends like this. Especially, you 'Tia' You do everything I said Dekka would miss. If btw, you want to, this is littered with references to me. You wanna pick them out? Anyway, in no specific order, a MASSIVE shout out to Harad, Ella, Hessa, Fay, Jem, Linty, Charzipan, Ind, Ez, Daisy, Alex, Eilis, Sophie, Rachel, Katie (So as not to confuse you with 'Kitty')! You guys are what make my life worth living. Actually, halfway through I stopped writing Dekka and started writing me, so I had to go back and change the names. If I missed one, let me know. Love all you reviewers too, thank you for everything!  
><strong>

**Shushyxx**


	6. Note: I made a mistake

**It has been brought to my attention by a lovely reviewer that this story is a little inaccurate... However, being the lazy idiot I am, I can't be bothered to change it. So, this is only a small note to thank Raven Willow Dragomir for this little wake up call. The wake up call going "Buy the books! Buy the books! BUY THE BOOKS!" Yup...**

**So, thank you and apologies for the mistake.**

**Shushy x**


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